I am so angry right now...

I am so pissed and screwed right now.

I have registration today and I want to cry my fucken eyes out. My account has been disabled and no one is responding to my e-mails or calls to city college's corrections department. I am soooo angry....I don't know what to do, I can't breathe and I can't do anything right now but try and fix it. There is no possible way to though...I am pissed at myself...so pissed. I hate myself

=*(*****************

There is a saying that my Aunt from the PI used to tell me....

"You look ugly when you cry, so stop crying."

I cannot seem to stop crying and so....I am a very ugly person at the moment.....

Hhhm...

I'm such a boring person - or at least I think...

For some reason when I get nervous I turn red & my palms and feet get sweaty....too funny...

When I see myself in the mirror I imagine myself being super buff....thanks a lot broad shoulders...yet I have a belly - not cool!

When I drive I belt out "singing" because no one is usually in the car anyways...and I have horrible road rage which I try to hide from passengers...

I love being nude...

Sometimes I want to randomly talk to strangers about how good a certain color looks on their skin tone...

I am unsure why but I want a haircut, nothing crazy...a trim and some change would be nice

We were such different people @ the time...

I'm a bit teary-eyed...

As the year goes on, I realize we are different people from when we first met. I don't care about it though, I mean it effects us so deeply and I care about that. Yet I don't see why it would ever lead us apart.

Our first Christmas, to our second Beaujolais...I don't see how something so meaningless and what I consider harmless to ever get between us.

This is what I wish right now...

But you're at work and I am at home. -sigh-

Photo credit - former classmate

Gotta leave for yoga soon...

I am going to the noontime yoga. but for some reason I am soo not feeling well. My tummy is being weird like I gotta use the bathroom again...

The weekend was nice =)

It's weird I am so different from how I was a year ago. Life is weird...I do not feel so...I don't know. I can become unsure about things at times. Like now I have no clue what I am typing about. I feel spaced out! Life is definitely different now. It kinda freaks me out. HAHAA. I remember when I read about my zodiac sign, I am fearful of change. Uggh, that sure is true. Even now I am still freaked out by something that changed a long time ago. It's stupid! For example - not going to AAU - it's not like I want to go back, nor is it like I am going to go back...yet I still freak out over the idea that I never did! I confuse myself...

Things are good...I'm happy...=)

Things are good. I am not feeling so well but I am getting better! I was unable to make it to yoga this morning, which I feel pretty bummed about. I am planning to do my own little yoga session later today so I can meditate and calm my nerves for the weekend. I have a busy weekend!

Last night was sooooo delicious!!! I will be posting pictures later, and I'm sorry they are such crappy images of the food, my mom and I forgot our cameras. I forgot it because I had to rush my ass off to get ready since Ichigo had a vet appointment at 4:50, and I arrived back at my house around 6:15. That left me with only 45 minutes to get ready. It's funny because people think women take a long time, my dad came home around 5:50 and we finished getting ready at the same time. Anyhow, I was tired from last night because we left at 7pm to make a dinner reservation at 7:45 at my brother's former work. It is a resort in Menlo Park, I was glad because I was starving.

Anyhow, the resort was fancy filled with...well I don't want to go into details but well fancy rich people. The most diversity that you could see, was in the staff that ran the restaurant. My family, kinda stuck out, but you know what - it's okie! My brother and I are similar, I know it bugs him - the business that he is in is run by people who have all this money but does not have an idea in taste. They need chefs to put it all together yet they don't get paid the best wages in the world, I know it gets under his skin. I feel that way about many different things. For example teachers, they are the scholars of the world...yet they don't get paid well. They are not viewed as a professional job. It does not make a whole lot of sense, but that is the way things are.

Going on, the food was delicious. We stayed at the restaurant for I'd say a little less than three hours. The resort is beautiful, the design was amazing. It reminds me of when I was an interior design major. The designs would have been the most amazing watercolor preview images. Man...I walked around the resort stunned with the beauty and natural usage of candles, flowers, wood and the choice of furniture and lighting. I loved it. Some parts sucked but ya you need that too it seems, hahaha. Cannot suck all the money out of the project on every corner of the interior. I was so freaking tired when we left the resort. I made sure to stay awake so my brother would be able to drive home with someone to chat with.

And so I woke up this morning at 4:20AM and realized that it was too late to get ready for yoga and hop on the bus. I had a feeling I would not be able to make it. I drooled all over my pillow after going back to sleep. Deni woke me up with his call and that felt nice listening to his voice as I groggily pulled the phone to my ear =)

My neti pot is finally working!! I learned on Wednesday that I was doing it wrong. I am not supposed to use tap water, and nor am I supposed to do it at night. It is recommended in the morning, more like only do it then damnit. So today, after suffering from allergies that seemed to have gotten worse..the NETI POT actually naturally flowed through my nose without an issue! IT FELT WONDERFUL!!!!!!! I'm still have some allergy symptoms but I am sooo much BETTER! =) Yay =D

Ichi my cutie pie

Mornings in SF

I woke up at 4am in the morning to go attend yoga at 6am. I should have figured that it being Monday I should not have gotten up so early but I did not think and stuck with the same schedule that happened last Friday.

So I was early on schedule so I sat in the Van Ness station reading my Malcolm X book. A homeless person approached me and honestly he was sweet, I gave him $5 and he tried to have me put it in his hat I told him no, let me hand it to you. I will admit, before my Political Science class I would have ignored him but my heart has softened for people in poverty. He and I conversed so it wasn't like "I'll take your money and that's all I want from you!" We had a nice conversation and he said he did prison time and says life is a lesson in itself. He told me to be careful with what people say, he kept repeating to me that they all want you to follow them. I understand what he means, that can be applied to almost everything. What I got from it is it truly matters what you want and no one else.

He caught his train and the train driver ended up mouthing something to me with a smile. Then the funniest thing happened! I went up to the train driver and he opened his window said "Have a good day" I said thank you. I sat back down, he closed the window then he kept looking at me I smiled & waved. Then he blew me a kiss I laughed, pretended I caught it - like how my Lola / Grandma would do it. He smiled and put his hand on his heart it was bizarre. Made me smile and laugh!!!! It was a nice moment. People @ 4-5:30 in the morning are so freaking nice. The bus driver I had that took me to West Portal station was darn nice too! They are all willing to converse until those passengers that have a crab up their butt start coming around.

Okie, so this morning I did not have any problems with my throat. Although now I am having issues with my nose. My nose is stuffed right now and I even tried my neti pot and my nose was so badly stuffed and inflamed that the water was not able to pass through my other nostril. Right now I keep sneezing and having to blow my nose. This sucks =( I finally haven't woken up with a sore throat and my coughing attacks are minimal but NOW my nose can't stop leaking. =( It sucks....

V-ball & Neti Pot

I went to volleyball =D

Sure did - I enjoyed it, the people there are so freaking amazingly good!!!! This one guy's spikes were so fast it flew past me and I was way too slow to get it. But I swear I thought I had it! It's nice & challenging though. Anyhow, I love it that's all I can say since I am a bit too tired to go into more detail. I just love it and hope I can do it more often!

I bought a neti pot before I went to v-ball! I used it and so far I am feeling a little better, I can breath better. We will have to wait and see! People were saying they do it in the morning but I think I'd prefer night because that's when my allergies attack me the most. Sooo ya I hope I don't wake up with the worst allergies tomorrow morning!

I will be doing yoga tomorrow morning yay =)

Attempt @ beach landscape

The reason why I have all of a sudden been trying to paint and draw - SCHOOL IS OUT! =D I can spend more time doing my hobbies rather than studying my ass off to get As in school! Yesterday it was cool because I was aiming to draw & paint at Ocean beach. Instead I was able to see Michi, Alex, and Okami while drawing & painting at Crissy Fields' beach.

I am, of course, so damn rusty it's pathetic. I wish I was able to just be skilled again off the bat like I never left AAU, and was drawing every darn day...but that is not the case. I suck, I can't seem to draw straight lines or curves like it was second-nature. So here are my two paintings that I am not proud of but it is a good reminder that this will happen if I take a hiatus from drawing....

My first watercolor
Second....

I know it's small and the quality is horrible. Sorry bear with me the cell phone images are supposed to suck...I don't have an iPhone anymore. I have a Blackberry now. That's a long story I won't get into ahhaa...

Sorry, the paintings do suck...I will get better..I swear I will...I'm swearing to myself lol...

Thank you Took for inviting me out to the beach =D It was fun and it was great seeing you, Alex, Kami & Chiki Pea

Paintings on OVERLOAD

I rarely post images...so here are tons of past paintings that I would like to share.

My first hw assignment in Still Life Painting - I believe I took this class in summer 2008...this painting made me realize I'm not that bad at still life. My love for painting truly began to grow in this class. My paintings progressed the most thanks to Mr. John Wentz. I bet he thought I was the weirdest person in his class. I had accidentally dipped my hair into the turp and would talk about poop like it was an everyday thing, which is an everyday thing even though people are in denial =)! I remember that pooping in public restrooms became a "Donna thing." I truly miss him and being in his classes!

Well these are all from Mr. Wentz's classes. The oranges & 1 apple was when I did not attend one of the still life painting classes so I did my own in Vacaville, it was fun! The other 3 are from Mr. Wentz's Painting & Composition class.
Sorry about the bad images, it's cellphone pics!

Yes whoops, nudity is here. Hahaha...I love the nude body when I paint. Ya clothed figure is interesting to draw, but painting is amazing when it's the nude figure! I will only paint the nude figure. Here is the first hw assignment in Figure studies w/ Ernesto Nemesio in Fall 08'. I am pretty mad at myself because he was an amazing teacher but his style was very unlike my style. My paintings did not progress so much because of that, but I understood the figure more when I left that class. He was funny and I bet he thought I was a weirdo, I wanted to be more open in that class like in Wentz's class but the students were so boring. oops...hahah hope no one sees this from that class. Anyways, Ernesto was awesome, and his disheveled look was so freaking cool. And his talent was beyond words when it came to the figure. I miss him and Mr. Wentz as teachers. Those 2 teachers have both made great impacts in my painting experiences.

From the models of the Fall 08 Saturday with Ernesto Nemesio. I struggled, but I know I became a better painter.

This is a recent gouache painting I did of Ichigo. I gave it to Dennis for his birthday gift =)

Edit - Actually I take it back about the students in my Figure class. By the end of Ernesto Nemesio's class I made a few friends, and I was openly able to be the true person I usually am - open and free with my ideas and pretty upbeat! Happened a little bit too late though =P

Neti Pot?

All right, great I woke up with phlegm in my throat and in my nose. My allergies have made my cough even worse than it already has been. =(

I am now serious about the neti pot. It is funny because I was not even aware of how it worked but I can't help but believe that it works well when it comes to allergy symptoms. So I have researched more. Its origin is from India. Although it is bizarre to people and all the pictures is showing this...

photo credit - http://www.healingdaily.com/exercise/neti-pot.htm

It is the worse pic I have seen of it HAHAAHAHAH. But this is really what people are freaked out about it and I think the picture captures it the best. The water goes into one nostril and comes out of the other. I'm weirded out by it, of course I have never heard of it. And when I first tried any nasal spray I freaked out, but why not try something more natural. The liquid is a saline solution of 8oz water and 1/4 of salt. It's more natural, and seeing that many people who practice yoga find this normal is more comforting. It's a cleansing that has nothing to do with medications that stick around your body for a while. I find myself appealed more toward this kind of self-medication rather than pills. Although there are some things I know I cannot replace with more natural things. I will still be taking my allergy pills but no more nasal sprays for me if this neti pot works its wonders properly.

Going to pick me up a neti pot asap!

Yoga FIEND

Sooooooo this morning I woke up at 4AM to attend Yoga @ 6AM.

Unfortunately, it has been a year since I have attended yoga. Proudly, I stayed for the whole class. I will admit though I wanted soooo badly to get out of there during triangle pose. I don't necessarily hate that pose but it is a bitch to stay in. I actually picked up my water bottle to leave the hot room for a bit but thankfully it was time for the floor part and I laid on my back thinking that I HAVE to get myself through the class. It's worse when you leave the room, that's the last resort!! It is already difficult when you take a rest from doing poses because your body begins to cool down since you're static. After I laid there for the two-minute "dead" pose I felt refreshed and had a surge of energy that helped me get through the rest of class.

I love yoga. I am a yoga fiend! In yoga I feel mentally and physically strong and confident. There is something about it that makes me love myself whether or not anyone else does. I look at myself in that mirror and think who gives a shit of how I look outside this class. Yoga makes me healthy. My whole body, inside and out is cleansed. The times in class I look forward to is when the instructor opens the windows because it can get a bit too hot if there are many students attending. And yes at 6AM there are hella students. I always like being near a window, even when at Montgomery, which is now closed :(, I would be closest to the window. Although the window at Montgomery wasn't able to open, it was just a window for all to see HAHA. Actually that was another reason why I liked it, people would stare at you...weirded out and sometimes horny. And if the instructor knew they were staring she'd or he'd smile & wave and if they stuck around s/he would walk out and try to get them inside to join us. Hilarious. I love yoga...ya..hahaha I think we all get that point now.

Yup, so 1. window being opened

2. 2-minute "dead" pose (savasana) - obviously for reasons read in the previous paragraph. It's always that moment that you feel you want to give it all up. The poses before the 2-minute savasana quickens your heart rate so you are working and pushing your body to its limit. I was thinking I just spent more than $100+ for so and so amount of yoga classes and I cannot even get my ass to finish this one class. I couldn't do this to myself, plus if I leave I will miss out on all those benefits!!!

3. The closing breathing exercise. Those sharp breathes get you tingly all over when it's all done! It feels like your lungs sucked in pure clean Oxygen for the FIRST time! Then you lie down for your final savasana or corpse/dead pose and you feel relaxed like as though you have never worked out so much in your life. All your energy was spent in the most positive way imaginable. For that final savasana I'd have to say I am usually one of the last ones to leave.

I don't like the idea of having a hiatus from yoga. I know it has been a year since I have walked into the hot room. I cannot let another break take over my health and happiness. Yoga is such a positive aspect of my life I don't want to abandon it.

Job...or no job?

I want to apply for a job. I am debating though because I know a job is a heavy commitment.

There is this one job that is from noon to 5pm and only from Tuesday - Friday. Aww man...I don't know. I definitely do NOT want to do a retail job, or a food job. This is an office job. I have been wanting an office job for a while....

Hhhm, it would not hurt to apply right. HA! Next thing you know it I get the job, then what! Uggh..I don't know what to do...

Allergies =(

Yes I have allergies. Really bad now since I have basically denied myself of purchasing medicine. The doctor's (since I now have health insurance) gave me free samples and one worked really well and now they have gotten my body hooked on it. Since I refused to purchase the extremely expensive med my body is suffering more than before.

I'm trying to aim for a more...natural way to relieve my allergy symptoms. So I will attempt a neti pot that will supposedly clear out my nostrils and throat. I need to make sure I can find one in the first place. By what I have read online it's asking me to mix water and salt then insert the solution into my nose...then..uhm...i'm not sure then what. And it is recommended to do this three times a week. If it will help my coughing attacks I will feel much better. Plus if I leave this kind of thing untreated I will most likely get asthma. =( I am already having coughing attacks at night and difficulty breathing once an attack comes along. It worries me.

Anyways - the long weekend just passed and Dennis & I went to a wedding on behalf of my parents. We enjoyed aside from the fact that we didn't really know anyone except for the groom's parents. They were really sweet and spoke to us for a while, then when we attempted to leave they kinda made us stay. Very Filipino! They talked me into staying for another half an hr then we left on our merry way to our hotel to relax. Thank goodness we left when we did my feet were killing me. I was in heels for more than 5 hours. Not much to a few of you out there but seriously...it sucks after a while. I don't wear heels on a normal basis, I'll be honest I wish I had more reasons to.