Thoughtful...

So my parents are leaving for Guam on August 2nd. We have lost a family member. Although my brother's wife has been his ex-wife for I believe 2 years or so..maybe less I cannot remember, she has been there more for us than my brother has ever been. She passed away on the 27th of July. I feel guilty because I have to admit to myself I do not remember her that well. Unfortunately, this seems to happen a lot when it comes to the years at AAU, between 2005-2007. It is like my memory died...I feel like I was working too much and going to school mechanically so I cannot remember things outside of that. I am disappointed in myself that I do not have that many memories of my Ate Therese.

I do remember feeling like she was an amazing woman. My brother did not deserve to have such a strong woman as a wife. She was better than him, I know that sounds harsh but he really did not deserve a loyal woman like her. She was strong, not only mentally but also physically. She could hold her own, I will never forget that about her. Rest in peace, Ate Therese. Our family loves you so much and we will do the best that we can to take care of the kids. I hope you are happy wherever you are, because you have always deserved better. I am so sorry we were unable to give that to you.

I do not doubt that they have my Ate Therese's strength.

Honestly, I can only hope the kids are basically nothing like my brother and more like my Ate Therese.

hhm...

I have what is called trigger finger =( great...

Ow my hand =(

It's been a while since I have updated whoopsies =P

I am back from Chicago...and uggh..something is wrong with my hand. Whatever is wrong with my hand has just happened...this past Friday. I don't even know when it happened. Basically, a bone in my hand is protruding...it isn't broken! If it was broken I would not be able to move it, it is not swollen either!!

No clue what is going on...it isn't protruding like to the point you can see it but you can feel it and compare my left hand that it is a bone unusually popping out.

We will see....what is going on...my mom does not want me to go to the hospital either =P

Feeling like ANGRY poop!

Oh ya...I'm an angry poop because...well I would get into detail but I am too lazy!

Soooo....short story even shorter than what I was thinking of typing.

Why must we be so racially divided?

Feeling like poop...

Man...no wonder I haven't been able to wake up in the mornings. I have just been blessed with my period. =I

I feel like a pile of hot steaming poop at the moment. So uncool =( Lately in the mornings I have been wanting to sleep in. Of course one of the symptoms of my period is fatigue...intense fatigue. At the moment my brother & my mom have to go to Costco because 4th of July is at our house. I am in leggings with yoga pants over them, a long-sleeved shirt with a hoody over it. I am totally not feeling going out today. But we have to...because there are tons of things we must purchase for this lil shindig on Independence Day. So darn sleepy...

Proud of myself, at least I went to volleyball. I totally suck though...like I mean it I am like the worst player I swear...I suck...and I don't know how to get better =(

Selfish..

When can it be about me?

Why can't I be selfish?

Why am I always sorry.....for everything?

Do I really believe I mess up with every action I take?

With every decision?

Where is my so-called 'confidence'?

I am self-sacrificial to the point that it is unhealthy.

Where is that balance?

I try so fucken hard to make everyone happy....

but I am not....happy....

Wahh...yoga =(

here I am, 5am in the morning. I was hoping to have been on a bus on my way to the train station. but noooo...once I walked out of my house this morning the bus passed by 3 mins earlier and I thought hey sfmta.com trip planner claims there will be another one in about 10, why not wait??

I wait for 20 plus minutes and there still isn't any sign of a bus, I swear...though..I kept hearing it. Yet....no....bus. I didn't even realize 20 minutes had passed. At about 5:02 I walk back up my hill, yet I always looked back in hopes that a bus would arrive and I could run back. Nada...

so I am going back to bed, sad and disappointed my attempt at getting my butt over to yoga failed. Even if I would have been able to get on the bus a little bit after 5am, I would have had a horrible spot in the room and had been a bit too late to put on my contacts. Hopefully better luck tomorrow!