Super frustrated

I am looking over my art blog and realized that my painting sucks.

It is the most frustrating feeling to look over something that you thought was not so bad and see all the flaws. I see more blues in my leaves, yet whenever I begin to paint it just becomes green. I'm disappointed and I want to get help. Yet I don't go to an art college anymore and will not receive the professional help from a forceful teacher. The teachers at AAU are hard asses that knew if you did not learn you did not deserve to pick up a paint brush. Oh how I miss their teachings!!!!

Off on a tangent - I like to condition my brush! It's not funny...it is a serious thing, paint brushes do not come cheap so I love them and want to take good care of them. This random thought came to me a few days ago when the teacher mentioned caring for brushes, and how some people will shampoo & condition their brushes. Few students scoffed and ridiculed under their breaths, for me I smiled and thought of how I have a special brush cleaner and container where they can dry. I remember the first time I started to paint seriously, I had no clue how to take care of brushes.

Am I obsessed? Sadly no I am not...I want to be though. I want to be so addicted to painting. It's all about my wants....but...time management is not exactly on my side.

For now I am only a student who has to juggle general education alongside painting...

Tired...

I was riding back on the bus today feeling pretty darn tired. I wanted to nap but since my bus rides are not that long anymore I don't nap. The weekend was fun, although my voice is horsed because I was cheering Dennis on during his basketball games.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day & I still have not read my genetics homework. Oh ya, also I have not done my research for English yet. At least I have books to prove I have at least researched. I am hoping to keep working on my color wheel and take a picture of it for my artist blog. Nice ideas are coming out but I have not been able to paint them yet because I have school. The canvases are prepped & ready, that is definitely a nice feeling! =D

Did a speech today...

I had speech class today. Man I was super nervous and that I totally messed up. I kept saying "pretty much" so once I caught myself saying "pretty much" for about I'd say the 6th time, I stopped completely. I stood there for what felt like forever and made a mental note to STOP saying that phrase. I did stop, and at that point the rest of my speech spilt out of my mouth more smoothly. Or at least I think so. Sometime next week I think I will be receiving a video of my speech, so everyone can look at it =D guess you should be happy...

Just gessoed a few materials that I want to paint on. I want to attempt at acrylics sometime in the future. It was cool because this past Tuesday there was a guest speaker who presented us with some great information on acrylics. She was presenting to us liquitex items. So I got a free sample, pretty excited =) But first I need to work on my color wheel! Yay!!! On Thursday we began a still life painting, finally! Happy to paint again, yes yes I am =D

Not too focused....

I should be working on my speech concerning women in the media & the pressures that exist in the society. I have not even started yet. Sitting on my butt. I believe I have been working on my art assignment for the past 3 hours. The piece is lacking!!!! uggh... it is bothersome. It is supposed to be a color wheel, but I want to make it more....interesting!

Anyways, I'm pretty bummed that I cannot focus. Things are quite disappointing at the moment. Especially my English class. Whatever, it's required and the course is transferable. Genetics is quite enjoyable, it catches my attention and time passes quickly in that class. Same with speech. English is the only class that I'm totally bored of. Ehh, it will prove to be useful in my speech class so I should not worry.

I am so freaking hungry right now...like soooo damn hungry. I don't like this feeling.

First week of school

Horrible...

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I think I'm going to go to bed tonight crying.....-sigh-

everyone has gotten better but me...OH MY GOSH...I wish I ate, drank, breathed art like how the others have....

the honest truth is I never got along that well with many people at my other school...so why should I care? I tried to...never worked out. Why can't I accept that I need to get better on my own and forget about everyone else? I don't know...I guess because I had gotten comfortable and now when I look back...I actually miss it. Deep inside I am angry....deep inside I knew I felt there was no other choice. It was too expensive, I honestly did not know what I wanted at that time in my life. Now I do...now I can really say that I love art....feels like I knew it too late. Life can be such a damn run around, I feel like shit.

HHhm...quite thoughtful

just came back from seeing my cousins, my stomach is feeling funny. =I

I wanted to post in my other blog which concerns my art an entry about my inspirations. I saved it because I realized I was on my laptop which has no images of who inspires me. My desktop has the images I need.

While I was searching for some images in my e-mail I stumbled upon a conversation with a friend of mine...totally from the past. A good friend of mine that was there for me, but he ended up not being such a great friend. He had given gave me advice I found to be hurtful instead of helpful. Looking at the conversation we had 2 years ago on gmail chat made me think of how we were really close and how I could have sworn we would be good friends for a long time. And now 2 years later I know nothing of what is going on with him.

Oh my gosh I want to throw up all over the place. I'm so frustrated with my lack of progress in art....I feel so sick of myself...

Worst headache ever!!!

Uggh, I woke up half an hr ago from a 2 hr nap. Maybe that was not such a good idea. My head was aching before the nap, and my head is still aching. Not doing yoga for a freaking month will do this to you. =( It feels like I have never done yoga in my life and my body is just getting used to it.

I made myself a peach & banana shake. Hopefully that will make me feel better. I am drinking a lot of water...aww man. =( I am totally bummed that my headache is this bad.

Yoga, Life & Painting!!!

Oh my goodness!!! I am sooo freaking tired =O!!! I want to stay awake though, I know at some point I may give in and take a nap yikes! I woke up this morning at 4am and I almost did NOT attend yoga! I ended up going back into bed after using the bathroom and could not fall asleep because I was trying to force myself to get up. Yay =D I got up at 4:15am and got my ass out of the door by 4:30am. The buses were pretty late all morning. I waited for the M bus for 5-7 minutes, waited for a train @ the station for about 20 minutes in the cold, and waited another 10 or so minutes for the bus on Van Ness. Man!!! It's so tough to get out to downtown with the whole changes going on @ St. Francis Circle.

Anyhow, I got to yoga!!! =) I am so totally dehydrated - not cool! But I worked out my body and my skin feels revitalized. I then met up with Dennis for breakfast! I also saw Michi walking up the street while I was walking on Post! That was crazy since I glanced at her and thought in my head "That looks like Michi!" and it was her HAAHHAHA! Met up with Dennis to eat some veggie burritos, YUUMMMmmyy! =D

Now I am sitting here yawning because I have already been up for 7 plus hours. I'm doing Ichigo's laundry because I was able to sew up a few of his smelly saliva-scented toys, and gathered up the dirty toys Maggie tossed into the backyard when Dennis was still living in Excelsior.

Ichi =)

Personally, I will admit I totally thought that Dennis living with roommates would be so freaking awkward. It can still be but having a week pass by, I am feeling more comfortable. I am pretty happy with who they are and how they treat me. They also treat Ichigo really well, so I am happy. =D This one park is really close to Deni now, but it's weird because I miss Excelsior's park. -sigh- I know why, the people at this new park are different. Dennis likes it because it's well-kept and larger. I agree with how he feels but I like the people better at Excelsior, they talk to you and...I don't know it's just different. It is interesting because you can even see the differences in breeds of dogs. I have been seeing more fancy doggies and larger breeds. I have not seen any pitbulls =( which I will admit I want to see. I love pitbulls...Ichigo has not met a dog yet that he has gotten along with. He's just always sniffing stuff. Oh well hopefully soon =)

I am hoping to paint a landscape @ that park sometime soon..

Could not resist...

Whenever I look at Ichigo I can't resist his cuteness =)

And with my cousin =) I cannot resist making faces!!! So much FUN =D

What am I to do?

It's freezing cold & I have so many things to do....

Totally stressed

I am so annoyed how I lack time for art. I swear I do not have time to do anything on my own leisure time. I have dishes to wash, clothes to wash and fold, I have to prep for a dinner tonight, pick up the dog and pick up my boyfriend. I want to do all these things though but I also want to do my art!!!

It is my fault of course that I cannot do anything art-related. I have been staying up at night crochet and prep for paintings yet I have not been able to do much in the day. My time management is on whack because I end up sleeping until eleven or sometimes noon because I feel like shit and I stay up late. Maybe the truth is I am unhappy. I don't know I can't put my finger on it. I wish I had a place where I could just go over and paint, it's all ready for me - my utopia room basically. It will not happen until I move out.

Uggh...I have a headache...

I must admit - I am a selfish person

UGGHHH!!! I am soooo selfish!!! I have to admit to myself that I am. No matter many times I put other people in front of my happiness or well-being....I am quite selfish. I talk about myself and I complain about things around me to others. It bugs me.

So let me repeat, although I am unselfish with some things, I am selfish when it comes to competing, to uhm....conversations? It's difficult to explain...whatever I am done! This is my dang blog I can say whatever the heck I want to! People have to be selfish sometimes! Uggh....

Frustrated =(

I am super frustrated. I'm not sure why I can't put my finger on it. Everything is annoying the hell out of me and I can't seem to stand being around people that expect things from me.

My feeling for schedules is like blaahh...maybe because my day did not start off great. I was so excited to go to yoga then I missed my bus. It went right by in front of my eyes and I had no choice but to go back to bed and feel like a fat ass. =(

Lately things are getting crazy and I can't seem to be happy. It's everything....and I just can't...understand what is going on. I know whatever is going on is normal, it's the fact that I am not in control. Control issues are getting in my face again...