disappointed in my life

I am very disappointed in who I am and these feelings that I cannot control. Fine go do whatever you want to do. I have my own life you have your's. I thought you said that you wouldn't do those things anymore, that you were not into that. Guess I was wrong to believe you.

Now look where this has gotten me. Sitting in a public library, crying, pouring my heart out to an inanimate object. I refuse to be close to someone. I dislike who I am because I don't seem to match what you are looking for. I am torn at being someone who I think would be best for you, and who I truly am. Internally I debate on whether I will survive this. I have always told myself I would never change for anyone else but myself.

I fucken hate myself. I hate who I am, I hate the way I live my life. I am unhappy and I do not seem to know what I am doing here.

I am not a fucken social butterfly. I prefer to be alone. Fuck it if I die alone. If that is who I am...I will have to accept it. No matter how much I hate it....I am not like other people. All I want is to be comfortable with myself...why the fuck is that so fucken hard to do?